For some reason an old flame came to my mind. By old I mean the last guy I was REALLY interested in. It didn’t last very long so maybe that’s why it still bothers me. For a good month he and I were caught up in each other. We clicked immediately which made things even more amazing. He got me and I got him. For both of our personalities that’s difficult. It took almost nothing for him to woo me. I was in love. I had never felt like that with anyone else. We shared the same interests and laughed at the same jokes but had enough differences to keep things interesting. He cooked for me and took me places and told me stories, all in just a month.
Then all of a sudden I got nothing. No responses to texts, calls, nothing. He struggled with depression so I figured something was up and he needed some encouragement or a shoulder to lean on. So I did all I could to be the supportive girlfriend and to help all I could. Still nothing. Out of the blue before class one day he called. It was a weird time for him to call since he knew where I would be at that time. I answered and he sounded different. He proceeded to tell me that he had done some evaluations of his life and felt like he needed to pursue his ex. Infuriated, I kept my responses short and hung up. I had no idea what went wrong or what I did but I was hurt, majorly.
I’m sure you’re all thinking, seriously, it was a month, get over yourself. But you have to understand who I am. For me to find someone that I click with, that gets me, shares the same interests, hobbies, beliefs, etc. is rare. I don’t click with just anyone and I definitely don’t click with them that quickly. So I was completely swept off my feat. Plus I had been crushing on him for several months before. Still to this day almost 6 months later I still find myself thinking about him and wanting to talk to him and be with him but I can’t. Less than a week after he called it quits with me he was married to his ex. Talk about ticked off.
I still don’t understand why I still think about him and still care so much about him after what he’s done. This is one of those relationships that I struggle with mending. Maybe it shouldn’t be mended? I don’t know. Maybe there are some things I need to deal with in myself before that can be mended. As I think about future dates/boyfriend(s) I find myself wanting someone just like him, only a version of him that is committed to me alone. I fear that I won’t find that again. Then, maybe my expectations are too high. Oh the fun of dating.